I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
