problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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