I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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