I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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