Having a random hookup so left but love u
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My liver just broke up with me...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
