She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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