you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
