I can tuck mytits in my pants
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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