That's intense
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
