Rock
Scissors
Fuck
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize