I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
