dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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