Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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