Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
