Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
