Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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