Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
