Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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