Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
