We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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