Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
