We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
