I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
