i already hear my dad disowning me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
