I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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