My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
