How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
