I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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