and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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