Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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