I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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