so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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