found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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