My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
