You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
