I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
