According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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