his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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