im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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