At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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