ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
