Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
