I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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