Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
