Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
