i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She said her name was "party"
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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