If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
PANTIES FOUND
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