Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
