I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
