There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
