so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
