I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
