my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
