I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
