I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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