he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
