I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
