I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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