And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
