he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm passing your future prison.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize