her vagine was all disorganized.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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