quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize