wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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