Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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