i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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