I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
