I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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