could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
