Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
