I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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